‘How do I get a bigger and thicker penis?’ We get at least twenty variants of this question on our Q&A section and in the comments on various articles every single day. We’ve cried ourselves hoarse telling our readers that the size of the penis isn’t important, that sexual pleasure is NOT directly co-related to the length and girth of the penis and that you’ve to use your head to be a good lover but to no avail. Dr Vijaysarathi Ramanthan, Men’s Health Physician and Medical Sex Therapist explains out why many men seem to be so bothered about it.
From the interview:
Q: Is the issue about one’s penis a kind of body dysmorphic disorder* – a body image issue?
*According to Mayo Clinic, body dysmorphic disorder is a kind of mental illness where a person can’t stop thinking about a flaw in their appearance, which is imagined most of the time.
Yes, it could be if you fulfil all components of the scientific definition. But many a times, you will find men having concerns about their penis size but terribly worried to an extent that it is affecting their day-to-day life. As a health professional, it is important for me to differentiate ‘concerns’ from ‘problems’. For someone who has a concern, it should not be treated as a problem (which will end up in unnecessary medications/interventions). On the other hand, for someone who has a problem, it should not be rejected as a concern which will end up in seeing multiple doctors (doctor shopping), seeking advice from every single source under the sun, and eventually having major life and health consequences.
Is it co-related to sexual pleasure? Why can’t men perceive that there’s far more to sex than vaginal penetration?
It is not an easy task for an average person to understand that sex is much more than intercourse (which is only 15-20% of the whole experience). Sex has three purposes – procreation, recreation and relational. Intercourse is a must for procreation (i.e. making a child) but it (intercourse) is not a must for other two purposes of sex. In order to view sex as an ‘experience’ and not just as an ‘act (penetration)’, a person needs to have reasonable understanding of sex prior to being exposed to incorrect information from the internet. My philosophy is that while not knowing about sex is bad, knowing wrong things about sex is much worse. It is vital to understand that the main sex organ in the body is your brain and not your genitals.
Do women really care about it?
Again the issue is about access to information. It’s very easy to be misinformed. A woman who watches porn could get the false notion that only big and thick penises can give them sexual pleasure. On other hand, if a woman had no prior exposure to sexual experience and has never seen an erect penis, then whatever she sees first (and probably the last) is the best and there is an equal possibility that she will be able to enjoy or not enjoy sex with that person. Remember, there are so many factors that decide whether sex is enjoyable or not for a couple.
What’s the solution? How do we convince men to think beyond their penises?
The first thing people need to understand is that anything you read or hear from friends, relatives or even the media is only a spark of information and never jump to a conclusion based on it. The information that you get from your friend could be highly biased information based on that person’s personal experience/viewpoint which is not considered gospel truth. The most important thing you can keep in mind is the fact that that you need to be mentally strong. Your anxieties could come from watching porn or a comment made by a friend or even your partner but you need to be strong and deal with the issue. Most of the time, it’s not the size that needs to be changed but the way you think and feel about the size of your penis. Of course, there will be people who will have genuinely small penises which might be too small to have intercourse but that’s a different issue and needs to be medically addressed. This condition however, afflicts a very tiny proportion of men. Most of the time what you need is cognitive therapy and some relaxation techniques to allay the fears.
Dr Ramanathan can be consulted on his website.
